Some do not know what to do with homosexual marriage because we do not know how to think about love and marriage. For the last sixty years or so we have underwritten romantic accounts of marriage-if we “fall in love we get married” – if we “fall out of love” we get a divorce or at least feel real sorry for ourselves. Such accounts destroy any notion of marriage as a life long fidelity and make opposition to same-sex relations unintelligible. After all the latter are exemplifications of an in love ”loving” relationship.
The mantra now of homosexual marriage advocates is “freedom to marry the one you love.” The “straights” had been saying this for decades. Both are wrong because neither appear to be talking about agape-God’s love in us. They are talking about a falling-not a calling.
The religion of romantic love, though very seductive, has no mercy and does no justice. It justifies living together and never marrying or adultery, divorce and remarriage, calling us to sacrifice our covenants for the highest highs. Fantasizing about the feelings of the past makes the “feelings” a seductive unchanging idol of the mind. Too often we live leaning backwards into adolescent fantasies while trying to live in an adult world.
Romantic love as an idol devastates our imaginations. We think, “I married the wrong person.” The truth? I am the wrong person. All of us were (Romans 1-2). Mr. Right has never been found to exist, but a search party is still out. Mrs. Right has never been introduced to anyone. But in Christ we both have a shot at becoming right for each other.
We also say to ourselves “This marriage is really hard. I probably should not have married.” Truth: God’s marriage to Israel and the church was and is really, really hard. Did God make a mistake?
Sometimes we declare, “I was never in love with you. Therefore, I am getting out.” We refuse to look at our wedding pictures and remember the powerful feelings we had that day. We also do not remember that the question that we answered was not “Are you in love with him/her?” but “Will you love (agape) him/her? “ It was about loving with God’s love forever. It was a question about nails love-the love of Christ’s cross.
All of the marriage and romance mythologies blame the present circumstances on a decision in the past , a bad mate or a current loss of feelings. This shadowy world leads to two devastating conclusions: “I am not guilty of any wrongdoing “ and “there is nothing I can do about my marriage.” Internalizing these myths is like eating only potato chips for six months and then trying to run a marathon.