Who are we to make an unconditional promise to give our lives away? How can we promise to be faithful when we are going to change? Do we really mean to make a promise that is not in our power to keep? All of these questions suggest that marriage is an act of faith, not in marriage, but in God. Otherwise marriage is little more than idealistic nonsense.
When Jesus inaugurates the kingdom, he calls disciples, including women, and he calls for repentance, effecting a heart transformation (Matt. 1-4). Only after the inauguration of the kingdom and the call to follow him does Jesus declare the Lord God’s Genesis 2 vision of marriage, concluding, “What God joins together let no man put asunder” (Matt. 19:1-12). Jesus places marriage inside the life of his disciples’ transformed hearts under his kingdom rule. Jesus restores the one-flesh mutuality of marriage. Men are no longer lords and women are no longer property. Marriage in the end times is a gift, not a command. The first broken males who heard this transformative revelation walked away asking, “Why bother?” Just the question suggests we are in trouble!
In Ephesians Paul does not even mention marriage (chapter 5) until he first disciples the hearers into the fullness of the mature life the Messiah gives (chapters 1-4) . Growing up in Christ precedes marriage and continues in marriage. Mature disciples wrap their marriages in the triune God — within the community of faith where the gospel of the kingdom is vibrant and “truth is spoken in love.” Where we plant the marriage is more important than what we plant.
There exists an abiding threefold good of marriage in the end times kingdom of God:
- Sacrament: “What God has joined together, let no man separate.” The sacramental presence creates “one flesh.” The divine mystery binds and fills our marriages. Sacrament, which is the invisible bond of marriage, is the single most distinctive element of marriage in the Christian tradition. Sacrament still exists when the covenant has been broken. Sacrament saves marriage from broken covenants and barrenness. Sacrament is not sustained by the will of the parties, but by the supernatural bonds of the Lord God.
- Covenant: With God, husband, wife, and new community. Covenant is based on a prior commitment, not a future circumstance. It is irrevocable.
- Children: Unless, for specific kingdom or health reasons, there should not be children.
Our marriages are disproportionately sustained by the Lord and not us. The Lord’s faithfulness, contrasted with our unfaithfulness, sustains us. The disproportion of a good marriage will not rely on our own goodwill to be decisive, but rather on God’s faithfulness. 2 Tim. 2:13 says, “If we are faithless, he will remain faithful because he cannot disown himself.” The vows make us. We do not make the vows.